...this ain't a fariy tale

I stood there as the guy I like held me in his arms and told me I wasn't the one for him. After weeks of knowing he liked me..and him knowing I liked him, but trying to keep my emotions in check because I KNEW he had a history with another girl. I tried to hold on to the times when he was with me and how great he made me feel about myself, and ignore the fact that while he said he wanted to move on..he clearly did not. My mind was unable to control my heart. I really really liked him. He actually listened to what I had to say about every aspect of my life, and showed a genuine interest in who I am. It hurts because that has never happened before. It hurts because he didn't mean to hurt me. It hurts because I really do want him to be happy..even if it is not with me. I am stronger because of this hurt. He helped me realize how to be mature and controlled about my feelings, and how to have confidence in my instincts, and in myself. He encouraged me to do things that are scary, and I no longer feel scared. So despite the fact that it hurts, and that it will continue to hurt, I thank him for being who he is. There is no regret or remorse here..and I am moving on with a smile on my face (albeit..a shaky smile..but a smile nonetheless). And even though I agree with miss swift in that ..this ain't a fairy tale..I still believe that there will be a happy ending for me. :)

it's never too late

to become the person you might have been" george elliot. that is one of my new phrases to live by. everyday i come one step closer to becoming the very best version of myself. i have started (about 2 1/2 weeks ago) the nutrisystem diet plan..which i am hoping will help jumpstart some diet changes in me, and help me lose weight and get in shape. so far it is going well. i have been going back to the gym way more frequently and i feel alot better. it has been a little harder to go to the gym the last week or so because i had a slight incident where i was on the back of a friends motorcycle and we kinda wrecked (he layed it down on its side..not too bad because we were in the parking lot going pretty slow) but i got a pretty good road rash on my foot and it really hurts to wear shoes. but i will of course press onward and upward. oh and it was my birthday!! thanks for everything everyone..those who went with me to get ice cream..or took me out for japanese food..or got me my beloved harry potter books!! i love you all alot! i got back into byu so i can start taking some basics to get into a bachelors program (and then hopefully on to nurse practioner or physicians assistant school). nothing too exciting on the guy front..but there is always potential out there and i am keeping my eyes open!! i am super excited that jason and katie will be coming to visit for conference..it will be so good to see some family and hang out with them..plus i love conference and i am so excited to have tickets!! i would implore all of you out there to blog as well!! C'MON PEOPLE!!