i am not a duck

I realize that for those of you that know me even a little bit, know that I wear my heart on my figuratively sleeve. I have given up trying to hide my feelings, because lets be honest, it doesn't work anyway! It is part of my life to get razzed about stuff on a daily basis, and I typically let it roll off my back..after giving the razzer the desired dramatic reaction. Until there is this one day, when it just becomes too much and I yell. Akward moments in my life. I really try to hold it in, but there are those people in the world that can get under my skin, and I end up acting like a complete idiot. It happens, I know, but I still don't know how to control it. At work today they were talking about us nurses and who they like giving a hard time to, and well, it was very evident that they thoroughly enjoyed giving me crap because I am NOT a duck.

hey steve

Ok so the title has very little to do with the content of the post. I am simply quoting a very funny movie that I am watching, Multiplicity. I haven't really felt like posting any events or thoughts in the last little while. This is not a reflection of joy I experienced or the people that I spent time with. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my mom here in Orem, and on the 34 hours total we spent in the car rides to and from Texas. I loved seeing all my siblings, and my kids. Loved watching North South, and being able to spend time with Ry. I love you all. This however, is not the reason for the post...
I need to follow-up on the happenings with the dentist. So first after 2 1/2 weeks with the initial temporary crown, I went in for my permanent, and it was the wrong shade. So they had to rush order another one, and back on the temporary goes. On the 23rd of December I went in and got my very pretty permanent porcelain crown that was ALMOST worth all the pain and suffering I had been through. Until..christmas day when sure enough a corner of the crown chips off. SERIOUSLY!? I leave for texas because this dentist debacle is not ruining my time with my family. We return on Wednesday the 6th, I go in on the 7th for them to try to fix the crown, to no avail. It must be replaced. Drat. Here comes the numbing needles. I must interject that the dentist did such a better job getting me numb. And he pulls the crown, molds are made, and a new temporary is fashioned. Forward to about 6 hours later, eating a breadstick from The Pie (delish), and my temporary rips off, and is still in, but the cement is not holding. It is simply precariously jammed between my two teeth. Friday morning approaches and I get it fixed. No problem. Saturday afternoon, sitting in the movie theater watching "Leap Year" (good by the way) eating a kit kat, and yep, my temp crown comes loose. All weekend i make it through without losing it, by eating soup and ice cream. I was so worried it was going to come out at work, then what would I do?! Exactly. This is my front tooth. Monday afternoon, fixed with "better" cement. Good to go, right?! Nope. As it happens, this very evening my lovely temp crown comes loose AGAIN. When is my permanent supposed to come in? Jan 26th. A week and a half away. Is it the weekend? OF COURSE. Is my dentist open tomorrow? NO. So I have the number of a dentist who is, in the hopes that he can fix it tomorrow before I have to spend another weekend praying my tooth doesn't fall out. It might. No joke. Ugh. I hate the dentist. Not as a person, just this whole process has been horrible. Sorry Hilary. I am just really not enjoying myself. Late.

things that sparkle...

so many happy things have happened. and while i did go through a major holiday roughly alone, there are so many wonderful people in my life who make it better. and i love you all for it. in the last couple of days there have been things that have had a little extra shine to them...and here are a few:
*working the busy holiday weekend with great people who make my life easier...or harder..depends on the day..either way i learn..and am grateful for it
*GOING TO MAUI..ok so this is a future sparkly moment..but the fact that the ticket is purchased and this moment WILL happen is super exciting. i am so jazzed. (and p.s. this maybe should have made the colorado list since the trip was booked while there..but didn't want to detract from them and theirs)
*a super cute boy i work with being nice to me. not that he was mean before..but when he is nice..i sure do like it. :)
*christmas lights..in my house..on other peoples houses..on the big trees in front of the orem city buildings..these make me so happy.
*buying presents. i like giving. i second guess myself most of the time..but i do like buying things for others..even more than i like buying myself things at the gap..if you can imagine that. :)
*two of my guy friends coming to visit me at work. made my night. it was cute. :)
*the best day ever: it goes like this..wake up..chat with mom...go to the library with bobbi and pauli (they stare in the whole day with me) where we found two movies we wanted to see...to be mentioned in greater detail later...i also found 2 of the 3 dean koontz frankenstein books (not book 1) so the hunt begins to find the other..but first to the bank for a quick stop to put the finishing touches on the purchase of the maui trip (my savings acct took only a small hit), then to IN-N-OUT..they just built a new one here in orem and i hadn't been yet..and though we had to crowd surf to get a table..jk..it was SOOO worth the wait and the 5 bucks to get that amazing cheeseburger with grilled onions (yes onions), then to barnes and noble..a glorious place. a haven if you will. to find the dean koontz book (they were out) as well as singin in the rain (which bobbi and pauli have NOT seen..a crime in my opinion) but too pricey for my taste; but we did find one of bobbi's birthday presents..a jacob poster/puzzle. she loves puzzles..and jacob..so perfect!!, then we went to f.y.e. to find singing in the rain and thoroughly modern millie. which we found and purchased as well as a few cds out of the 3 dollar bin. and a mario bros shirt for pauli for christmas. still no book. drat. on to the mall..at this point we are looking for a christmas present for another friend..and hunt around till we find..a purple pair of high heels for me, and a hat and some other presents for pauli(she doesn't know about these ones..i bought them when she wasn't paying attention) but alas..even though we checked everywhere; including the new tai pan trading co, which i love by the way, there was no present for the friend, and no book. not to be disappointed we came home and got in our pjs ( i think it is close to 8 at this point) and watched Big Business with bette midler and lily tomlin..so cute. and funny. then we watched Mrs Winterbourne with brendan fraser, ricki lake, and shirley mclaine, even BETTER. they were the movies we rented from the library, and were so fun. and old school. and it was so nice to just have a night in..since tomorrow i am going to be go, go, go..since i have 4 parties to try to get to. whew. quite a day. we tried to watch millie, but everyone but me was tired. maybe another day.

this ones for you...

and i mean those of you that live in colorado. so even though I did NOT make it on your blog..you my lovelies and making it on mine. i just want the world to have a brief glimpse into the pure joy that i experienced on my 6 day journey over the rocky mountains. here are some of the highlights: (and these are in NO order)
* new moon with mary-kate and lindsay..and yes tuey i know that i abandon you..but the movie, while tedious at times, was so fun to enjoy with the girls..the candy, the popcorn..the lady that laughed at inappropriate times (why was she laughing??) and mostly..staying up insanely late with two of my favorite girls!
*watching paper moon..even though it took ALL day..cute movie. and i was happy to partake in the experience
*teaching everyone to play NERTS..it is a grand game..and should be played even when i am not there ( which sadly to say, is most of the time)..and lets not talk about that first night (someone got angry..that is all i am going to say....)
*the Holy Family Football game..my sweatshirt, the ride up, the singing the 80s songs loudly in the car, the pride of seeing the boys on the field..and guys, even though you lost..i loved it. :)
*watching a christmas carol in 3d..ok so yes i got motion-sickness..and yes it was a weird movie..it was fun to go with all of you..and so it makes the list
*star trek..for the LOVE..i so did NOT want to watch this movie..but after days..and days..and days..finally seth and i (sorry seth..i gave in) relented and watched it. still i am not a trekkie..but hey. whatev.
*the day of chinese food and french kiss. glorious glorious day. if i remember correctly this is also the day (and the ONLY day) i got to sleep in. thanks..i needed it. :)
*shopping for the jeans. and while it took 20 stores (ok..so exaggeration) i loved it and i am glad that we went..and that you found jeans. i love them. wear them..and FOR THE LOVE...BURN THE BLACK JEANS!! PLEASE..I AM BEGGING YOU! LOL.
*eating at red robin with the boys. they are fun. i can't speak about them. i love them. yes..you too seth.
*can we say RAZZLE DAZZLE?? or sing it..even though seth wouldn't..i love this game..and love that even though sean almost lost his life..we all had fun..and learned to say thank you..except for donnie..who just wouldn't say anything..huh? why is that....
*a rousing game of werewolf..where there were so many happenings..and fun things..my favorite has to be when MK made seth and donnie lovers..and then donnie (in only the way that donnie can) waved at seth from across the room as if they WERE in fact lovers..i almost died. seriously.
*nathan showing me he could swing. and for playing trucks with me.
*quizzing sean on his science...what is a cloud anyway?
*chatting with grandma about books..and finding that my love of reading and perhaps of escaping is indeed hereditary.
*just being. i am sorry if i left anyones favorite moments out..there were some good ones. but i love you all. and even though i DID NOT get the kings of leon cd i have been waiting MONTHS for..i am so glad i was able to visit. love you my almost brothers and sisters and my other mom. and jon. :)

dark&twisty/bright&shiny

There are days when the things that I witness, or events in the world (think Ft Hood), make me feel a little down. This is what we would call my "dark and twisy" days. I really try to spare all of you the depressing stories from the ER, and so you have been seriously lacking in stories, because frankly I, being the compassionate, emotional person that I am, feel sorry for just about everyone that comes through the doors. (ok, so not someone who, like me, just needs a few stitches to make them whole again) When I see families whose lives have just been shattered, or whose lives will absolutely never ever be the same again, I myself can flashback to a time when I was 12 years old and our lives changed forever, and find myself close to tears. For example, and I will keep this brief, seeing a husband whisper sweet tender words into his wife's ear as we are rapidly wheeling her into surgery to repair her broken body (8 broken bones, both legs in multiple places, both arms) after a horrible car accident, brought me down. I had to fight, really really fight the tears from coming. Or seeing a woman apologize to her husband for being rude to him earlier that day, when he is getting ready to go to surgery because he fell of the roof and broke his neck/back. These things are hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job, and love that I can perhaps bring hope or comfort into their lives, but I just need you to know that while I don't regularly post about the experiences in the ER, it is because I need to distance myself from the emotions.

Never fear, there are two sides to this coin, the bright and shiny side, which for me is around the vast majority of the time. There are so many things in my life that make me happy. I would like to list a few here, and this is in no way an inclusive list.
-music that makes me dance
-friends that make me laugh
-playing NERTS (wonderful card game if you didn't know)
-cute guys flirting with me (happens occasionally)
-movies that make me laugh (multiplicity, tommy boy, dodgeball, that thing you do)
-movies that remind me i am a girl (chocolat, the wedding date, chocolat...)
-books. the escape into another world.
-dr pepper (this is a bad habit i know i need to break)
-calls from family that make me cackle (insert "i am too fat for garters")
-text messages
-going to the gap
-knowing i will be in texas as close to christmas as i can get
-planning a party and having new and old friends agree to come (i REALLY do have friends ;0 )
-greys ( i love this show, and it can bring me to tears too)
-watching friends with my roomates (the show)
-good food
-trying to be reverent in sunday school
-the world champions in baseball (i <3 mr. november)
-football
So there it is. There are many many more things in my life that make me happy as well as things that cause me to stop and reflect and perhaps cry a little. Me, I think it makes me more balanced and a better nurse and person.

oh near...

I ventured to the dentist today. WHY? you ask (and I know you were asking, becuase who willfully goes to the dentist?)..well for a couple of reasons actually, I recently paid attention to the fact that I am paying bi-monthly for dental insurance and not using it, and because my teeth could use a good cleaning. So to the phone book I go to find a dentist near my house. Away I go. I am pretty positive I don't have cavities even before I go, thankfully I have really healthy teeth. My only other concern is the whole whitening process. I have been told by a few other professionals that my teeth shouldn't be whitened because of the stain/trauma/scar thing that is on my left front tooth (insert reason for such a thing: flippy thing gone wrong with kate at age 7). So after xrays and a thorough (and quite painful) cleaning, a very kind and cheerful (maybe TOO cheerful...) dentist informs me that the root on said tooth is calcified, and the way to fix it is a root canal and then a crown. I wanted to cry. Still do actually. I don't want to do it. I know I need to because my tooth is going to get more discolored and eventually hurt me in someway (think abscess here) and then the process will be worse. But really, I just like my teeth and don't want to have a root canal. So in the end all I can really say is... oh near.

happy halloween

I dressed up 3 times. I was supposed to be a rockstar-type individual. Don't know how well I pulled it off. But for two parties and 12 hours of work, it was a pretty good costume. I fully expect pictures from all of you that have children and don't. But especially kate and ry. So here is pic of me and my roomates at our ward halloween party.