first day..and all that that implies

So I officially started my shifts at UVRMC here in Provo today, and there were so many things that I thought were going to be scary and there was a lot of apprehension going into this morning. So this post may end up being quite lengthy, but that is because there were a lot of emotions that came out of this experience.
To start off with I didn't get very much sleep, whether because of the anxiety and anticipation, or the fact that my complex was having movie night outside my apartment, or both. Regardless, I was so tired this morning. Thought I was going to have LOTS of time to get ready and everything, but I was dragging butt, and ended up almost being late. To top that off, I didn't know where to park, and forgot the breakfast and lunch I had planned to take with me. Needless to say, the day didn't start off so well. It kinda got worse before it got better. So I got there and was supposed to be working under this one clinical coach..and the charge nurse was like "oh, well he's not here today," and I wanted to say.."oh, well then should I just go home?" I felt real welcome. Anywho, they found some poor soul to take me on and show me the ropes. This nurse was having a worse day than me, because she spent all day fighting off falling asleep (she did actually sleep a few times), and being so disorganized and scatter-brained..that my anxiety level steadily increased. She did show me how to computer chart, which I was freaked out about at first, but it's all good now.
Then came lunch, the REAL low point. I went down to floor that the sign on the wall said contained the cafeteria ( I have NO idea where anything is in this place). So I get there, find something to eat, and sit at a table all by myself ( I also don't know a soul). So I am sitting there, nearing completion of my meal and I realize that I have no idea what to do with my tray once I am done. I don't see trash cans for my paper plate, and that is when I start to fall apart. I want to cry. Really. I felt so alone. I was praying that someone else would get finished so I would know what to do. So I make the mistake of calling my family, who is all together having a nice lunch together. And now I am miserable. I have to fight the tears and the "nose tingling." I finally find out how to leave the cafeteria properly and finish my shift with my sleepy but kind clinical coach.
So I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. That was not the intent of this blog. I just wanted to share the feelings I had. I am really happy to be here in Provo, much as I miss my family. I am happy that the first day is over, and nothing too tragic happened. I can now face the next shift with more confidence in knowing that I CAN do this. It won't ever be that hard and uncomfortable again. I will never have to sit lonely in the cafeteria not knowing what's what. I am a stronger, more knowledgeable person having had the experience I did. I love being a nurse, and I love meeting new people and learning how to be the best for my patients. All in all, the experience and the lessons learned are invaluable to me. I love my life. I miss my family like crazy, but am so thankful I have the Lord to turn to when no one else is here.